Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween~

(A little bit late, but who cares?!)

Did you celebrate it?

Me not. :/ I wanted. I wanted to go to my old home town with my brother and my sister, but I couldn't.. I wasn't in the right mood, but the main reason why I didn't go with them was because I had to study. D:

I had so much to do for school the last days and it isn't getting better.

Everybody had fun on the 31. October and I sat alone in my room, studying. Fuck school. -.-

Nobody came to our house, like last year, so we didn't buy any sweets..

I'm stressed as fuck and I can't do anything against this, my mind is the purest chaos! My mood isn't the best and I dunno why. If I do something, I think this isn't enough, I have to do more, study more, read more, to help my parents more.. and when I'm doing nothing I want to do something. Anything.. so my thoughts aren't alone with me..

Soon, I'm ready with school and I have to plan, what I do after this.. I would like to make my A-level, but this means 3 years more school and I'm so fucking stressed now, if I imagine 3 years more.. I dunno! I would like to do it.. If I can is another thing.. but I could try it. And if I fail, I could do an education.. I would like to go to the police, but I'm not sure, if I'm good enough for this.. :/ I got so much self-doubt, you can't imagine it. >_<

Also, I would like to go to other countries, as an Au Pair or do Work & Travel.. But like my other ideas, I'm not sure if this would be the right.. if I could do this, if my English is good enough..

I have to think about it and just try, I think.

If I fail.. So what? I can do everything. Try everything. ?! Or not?

I think, I think too much. Or too less?

To come to the headline again:

For me, it's everyday Halloween. Without sweets. Just with ghosts, monsters, demons and all the crap. My mind is Halloween.

-CaptaiN out.